A Time Capsule; Over Time, Over Matter and Over Any Spin..

I met a young Malay family man who was on an outing with his young family as I was walking home recently. He was looking for some one to hold the DSLR camera for him and snap pictures of him and his family. I understand the predicament; often when you are the camera man, your picture gets left out and then when you need to be in the picture, the wife would be left out next in a needless photography absence. After all, it is a family outing. As I was walking by quietly, the young man approach me and greeted me and addressed me as “Haji”.

Thank you my young friend, I am reminded again for always and eternity.

I agreed to snap one picture of them by the metal whale that’s sticking out a behemoth presence out of the KLCC Park. But then I wasn’t sure of the angle and lighting and I said one more, then the daughter moved at the last moment before flash and they said one more. After some twenty shots later I bade them salam a’laikum and continued with my walk home quietly. I learned that the young man’s name is Azmir and he is a teacher who hails down from Bangi. His wife is an Administrative PTD Officer over at the Foreign Affairs Ministry. Some days, this young family would tour the world no doubt, the kids would grow up “on the other roads” and I hope and pray for them to find and get everything that’s the best out of the journey ahead.

What caught my attention about this young family has got to be their bonding and innocence. They were all attired in white cotton long sleeve buttoned shirts and lightly faded blue jeans. All of them, dad, mom, son (7 years old) and daughter (5 years old) were all impeccably dressed in loving gestures. Azmir was a nice chap, and that moment in time I was his bigger brother and that family was my own somehow, me the uncle in his white Kopiah telling them this angle is better and then inquiring them this button does what.

Realizing that my wife is waiting for me at home as we have a wedding feast to attend later in the day, I begin to bid them a fond farewell. Azmir slightly bowed down for the hand shake and kissed my hand so did his wife and their kids. It is a common Malay custom actually, to show respect and fondness to an elderly.

I was touched by the gesture. I took out a small note book from my pocket, scribbled something and told Azmir to take it into one of the eateries in KLCC later for a good surprise when they were done at the park. I am glad they did and thank you for the kind words indeed and do keep in touch with us.

The other day my kids asked me, should they kissed the hand of aunt Selvi, a family friend who has been there since they were so all small and tiny to even remember yet. They said that it is a Malay custom, so should it be made applicable to the non-Malays too?

I said you hugged her don’t you? And they said yes. I said because you were expressing love correct? They said yes. So why not express that very respect and love too in the old Malay tradition? Because they said, she is not Malay. My kids are not racist at all, really they are not. You look at their complexions and you would know that they had at least a 45% AP import permit to themselves already. So my wife would not impede or inhibit into something that’s not her department (motivation and HR management in the family is my department by the way, and she handles discipline concern and about everything else over all of us).

How do I set my kids straight on this one? Should a Malay custom be made applicable over with the non-Malays? Just as I was still deliberating on that Malay custom issue, my youngest daughter asked why we even need tradition. Now I know why my wife could never be persuaded into staying around for this kind of conversations. These kids are all technical and argumentative; one wrong line and they drag that out and hang things to dry for you.

Well I started, custom is actually tradition. It is human nature that makes us all long to have an identity and uniqueness. We all want that in our corners, no matter what and everyone, particularly every child, needs an identity larger than themselves, in which something he or she could belongs to, would feels part of, and surely gains security and protection from. It is kids who do not get this identity from their families who are drawn to the rituals, “colors,” and traditions of gangs or other identity substitutes for families. I have seen many of this happening around me when growing up in America then. Kids get lost everywhere and they never find their way out again and they became statistic to the gangland and grander “racketeering” problems of America (and that by the way, is the biggest English word in modern existence).

Strong traditions exist in every long-lasting establishment; in schools, in fraternities, and certainly in families. Traditions are the glue that holds and keep families together in all parcels of time. Kids love and cling to family traditions because they are predictable and stable in an unpredictable world. I know that’s the truth for me. And more importantly, we cannot ever – NEVER EVER mix up tradition and then turn it as a requirement. Because when we do that, we exerts discipline issue into it and then we may see how rebellion starts and escalate into a full blown war against that particular tradition. But when we dissect the outcome, we may see where we had been wrong in the start: forcing the value of traditions and then using discipline prowess in getting things done. When we do that we miss the big issue, the real issue, the factual theme of traditions; and that is simply all about LOVE. That’s why we have tradition in the first place.

LOVE is the starting point of tradition. It means that the loose guideline over tackling and handling issues concerning traditions has got to be solidly built upon love. Tradition is like a time traveling capsule; where we somehow took love and packed it in that time capsule and sends it down our path. This time capsule, well being a “time capsule” is surely above the linear definition of normal time obedience and adherence. It means that the time capsule could travel back and forth into time. I mean, okay, lets put it this way; sometimes we yearns for that special food that we grew up with. The aroma it brings to our mind, the taste is tells us still, the memories it brings back to us. We summoned and it arrives, always all ready to yet once again rekindle a time of past, a time that’s long and away into yesteryear, and by today they rest out far on the points of love that has taken us here today. That bowl of hot steaming Laksa, that plate of rice with fish curry and fried vegetables, that serving of Roti Canai and mutton curry with that one of a kind ginger tea latte, that chicken corn soup, like Friday is eat-out-night, like Saturday night is Mc D home delivery order night, Tuesday night is home cooked Rendang Ayam night, well, I have this tradition whereby my kids have their turns at ordering their dinner one day each in every each week and I would comply and cook just that and so much more really! I could go on and on and still won’t be quite done you know!

Look at a strong family and you are likely to find one with strong family tradition. Family traditions become rituals which create and bring about a sense of belonging, familiarity and routine to family members. In strong families, members become more committed to each other when they spend time together and create bonds, that would bridge them closer in the future when they themselves have all grown up and with families of their own too. A tradition that’s based upon LOVE provides a sense of continuity, understanding, connectedness and FRIENDSHIP that strengthens family closeness. Family traditions are also opportunities for families to have “good times” and establish “good memories.”

Finally, today when we go back into this moments with our time capsules of traditions, these rituals touch the hearts of family members again in plenty of positive ways and help members feel good about themselves and each other. Sometimes you remember those silly things you did around the house with your kid brothers, you quietly laughed to yourself and then you pick up the phone and send them an SMS or even called them up to see how things are with them. So that’s why I have said earlier, tradition is actually LOVE that travels through time freely, which operates above the perimeter of time as we know it, and that’s the time capsule!

So I put on my best “Haji face” and asked them what you think tradition is all about now. They unanimously said that it is an extension of LOVE. Yes! Success in this HR motivational session!

Almost all families have traditions, if none which you may recall, well fear not my friend. You are never lost, at least the subconscious ones readily come to your mind now and you know what they are. As parents, we must always capitalize on tradition as a means to also create values toward improving our state of communications, to give security to kids that would eventually themselves become adults someday, and then to hold families together over time in much LOVE. Such parents can refine and redefine their family traditions and give them true and lasting bonding power; they can give them time traveling doses of LOVE in a time capsule.

I said to my wife later, who was busy knitting; that while in KL we should invite Selvi and her husband Ramani, son Dinesh and Selvi’s mom aunty (just that is her moniker) over for dinner the next day. I said I would cook and she doesn’t even have to do the dishes later just as long as she gets dessert ready in time. Needless to say, I smiled quietly when my kids this time defined tradition with love and above ethnicity and shades; for they said their respect with a kissed on the hands of their elderly. Similarly, in impromptu reciprocities, Selvi asked Dinesh of the same towards us. So I guess, it is a good start for the kids, and that’s what it is all about; it has always been about LOVE!

Okay, have to run; it is Wednesday (what Thursday already?) and tonight it is the wife’s turn at the menu. And I have to be doing some serious grocery shopping now.

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